Simple solutions for complex, anxious humans

Today I have some tangible, tried and true tips that I hope provide some relief in your most anxiety-laden moments; and maybe even make the worse case scenarios less likely to happen. My favorite tools are the ones that work so well I eventually don't even need them!

The good (and infuriating) news is that these are incredibly simple practices. So simple that it feels a bit insulting how well they work.

Let me know if you try them, and here's wishing you peace, rest, and the biggest exhale.

xoxo

Learn more at LizMcKean.com.

You can also connect with me on Instagram @liz.mckean, or send me an email at Liz@LizMckean.com.  I'd love to hear from you!

All my love and gratitude for this podcast's beautiful cover design, created by the very best & most magical Mo Houston of JoyScout Studio 

And podcast production/editing masterfully done by Sean Gritters. You can reach Sean by emailing seangritters@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

But you deserve to have simple solutions to a complex struggle. Because when you're having a complex struggle, a complex solution is not really gonna help you very much. It's not gonna help me very much in the moment. I need something simple. I need something easy. I need the next breath. Because I'm not gonna solve my childhood trauma when I wake up and my heart is racing and I feel like I'm panicking and I don't even really know why. If I try to do that, my mind will find lots of reasons why and it will make it worse. But if I remind myself that I actually do have tools for this that I can take from, that I can pass a pen from side to side and interrupt a pattern that's happening in my mind, it's powerful. It's powerful. It might be simple, it doesn't make it any less powerful. Welcome to Starfish Hypnosis. I am your host, Liz McKean. In this podcast, we meander through our conscious and subconscious minds, and we do that without a lick of shame. In these episodes, you are going to hear stories, you're gonna hear a lot of metaphors because that's how I make sense of the world. We're gonna take some big breaths together, and you are going to hear reminder, after loving reminder, that you are not doing it wrong. Any of this. I am so glad that you're here. So let's go. Hello and welcome. Or welcome back. I'm Liz. I'm your host. And I'm so glad that you're here. I am excited to chat with you today about anxiety, which we've talked about before, but it is a huge part of my story and my life and my work. And so many of us deal with it. And it's one of those things that is talked about a lot, casually. And it's it's not always a very casual thing. It can be a pretty, pretty intense, pretty challenging thing that is just riddled with patterns and behaviors and symptoms, and it all gets muddled together in, you know, a meme joke that minimizes the the true like impact it has on our lives. So not saying I don't enjoy a meme and a joke, but I do think it deserves a little bit more talking about. And I got some stuff to talk about, and I also have some tools that I want to share with you that have been helping me, and I think they might help you. So one of those tools is breath. So we're gonna do the breath, then we're gonna talk about the breath. We like to bookend these episodes with some deep breaths that you are welcome to do with me. You're welcome to fast forward, you're welcome to listen to and breathe on your own because you are a sovereign human who can do whatever the heck you want. And I encourage you to. So if you're gonna breathe with me, take a moment and maybe like shake your arms out, maybe let your head rock side to side, unclench your jaw, and then take a nice deep breath in through your nose. And out with a sigh. Good job. We're gonna do that again. Bigger breath in. See if you can fill all the way down to your belly. And exhale longer, maybe twice the length of your inhale. Good job. Feel those shoulders melt. Last one we're gonna hold. Big breath in. Good. Stay full. Maybe smile. Maybe you can sip in a little bit more breath. And then let it go. Beautiful job. So, since we're talking about tools today, I will start with breath because breath is probably my greatest tool when it comes to navigating anxiety throughout the day at any any given day. There could be a day that I feel great and it still is so beneficial to pause and take breaths similar to the ones that we just took. And I want to kind of talk through those breaths because if you are looking for tools, which I think you might be since you clicked on this episode, this is a very easy, very accessible way to start. And I say that knowing that that's actually not even the case for everybody. So if you are a person who struggles with big breaths, if you are a person with any kind of respiratory issues, if it's unsafe for you to be do breath work, um, please know that there are other tools to come. And it's okay to just learn this, then you can pass it on to somebody. But please don't do anything that's not safe for you. So the reason I structure those breaths the way I do, I've started to really keep that pattern from week to week, is because it's literally what I use. These are the breaths that I use if I, you know, when I teach a yoga class. Also when I'm having a moment during the day that I'm feeling frustrated, like yesterday when I recorded a podcast and ended up deleting it because I didn't like it and it didn't really work tech tech-wise. And it all was for the best and also required very many deep breaths. So I like to start with that just deep breath in and big sigh out. And I make noise on that sigh out. I let that release be known to every one of my senses. And that's incredibly powerful because when we breathe out, like you know that the phrase, a sigh of relief? You know the fact that when you are feeling relieved, you actually go, oh, it's because that exhale is it signals relief to your brain, to your nervous system. That allows you to go from the sympathetic nervous system, the one that allows you to flee or fight if you need to, to the parasympathetic nervous system, which is your rest and digest, which is where what allows you to sleep, allows you to relax, that signals to your body that you are safe. That is a very simplified version of that little science lesson, but stay with me. So literally, that exhale is you telling your nervous system, you telling your body and mind it's okay. And so much of what we do here and what I do is reconnecting the body and mind. Because what happens when we are, you know, struggling with anxious patterns and symptoms and behaviors, and especially the ones that we're just like, why is this happening? Why do I feel this way? Why do we keep doing this? It's, you know, there's a reason. Either your mind is telling your body or your mind or your body is telling your mind, and they just believe each other without question because they don't even know that they're communicating. And it's amazing how that happens without us even being part of the conversation. We want to re-enter the conversation and know that we have tools and we are not powerless. And when we feel like absolute hot garbage, there are things we can do to feel better. And then just knowing that that's true can in itself be the salve that your stressed-out, anxious, old pattern running self can find relief from. So really use a lot, utilizing those exhales, those long exhales is really powerful. And knowing that the inhale is also a signal, right? That inhale is part is is a is more of a sympathetic nervous system. You know, when you are frightened or something startles you, you that like sharp intake of air, that's the like, uh-oh. That doesn't mean don't take big breaths in. We want you to breathe in, need those in order to breathe out. But allowing that first breath to be the big breath in and then the powerful, the loud, the focus on that exhale is awesome. The second breath, I like to do that even more pronounced, but instead of the power of the exhale, really focusing on the length of the exhale. So you'll notice that I that I'll say, you know, make it double the length of that inhale. So I'm breathing in. I don't, I don't really enjoy counting my breath or counting other people's breath because I find we're all so different that can be almost distracting. But if this works for you, you could also, you know, breathe in and count to four, and on your exhale, count to eight or whatever number. Float your boat. But that long exhale is so powerful. Yeah. I need to take a deep breath right now. Sometimes talking about breath makes me feel like I haven't breathed in a decade. The last breath in that three-breath uh combo that I really enjoy is the held breath. So taking that big breath in and holding your breath. And if you hold your breath for a little while, you can really feel that sympathetic nervous system clicking into gear. You can feel that, you know, little bit of a panicky feeling, right? And again, don't do anything that's gonna make you feel unsafe or be unsafe physically, emotionally, mentally. But, you know, to the level you can tolerate holding that breath in, for me, I'm just gonna describe this metaphorically as I always do, feels like all those vibraty, anxious, hot, scared, just fly right off the planet feelings that I'm having in my body. And I feel like it's just like vibrating off of me, the the worry, the anxiety, the stress, the fear. I feel like when I take that big breath in and hold it, that breath becomes a magnet. It's that big bubble of air that I've got held within my belly. I am picturing all of those feelings, all of those worries, all of those just, which is the clinical word for it, if you weren't aware, are just rushing to that bubble and they get stuck on it. And they are just part of that big bubble of air that you're holding in, which is why, with a big old smile, it feels so good to exhale and let it go. And you've got this, that parasympathetic nervous system, relief. Oh my God, it's out, I'm okay. You've got, you know, that metaphorical, that, that, that visual of like all that crappy stuff I just let go of. I inhaled, I gathered it all up, and then I exhale and let it go. And you can do that as many times as you need to. I've done a lot of that held breath and then big exhale during traffic jams. It's really helpful for me. And there's there's there's science behind it. I didn't describe it in a very scientific way, but there's science behind it. So play around with that and see what if if that those three breaths, or if maybe one in particular of those three breaths that you want to do a few times works for you because it can be so powerful. And it it's it's also amazing. I I I have many times throughout the day that I'll feel like, man, why do I feel so weird? I'm just uncomfortable, I'm feeling like kind of low-y, but I don't want to have more caffeine. And let's have a glass of water and feel like a whole new person. Like, oh, well shit. Look at that. All I needed was a glass of water. I didn't need to, you know, move to an island in the Caribbean. Although right now I wouldn't mind doing that. Similar to me is a big sip of air. Taking a big deep breath and really oxygenating is just wildly powerful to be like, oh shit, look at that. The birds are singing again. Everything feels okay. My brain has the oxygen that it needs. It's amazing. So that's my first little supportive, hopefully, tool to hand to you. And if you're like me, you went most of your life having people tell you to just take a deep breath or take a few deep breaths, just slow down your breath. Or, you know, just really being prescriptive about breath in a way that is not helpful. I felt very panicky when people used to tell me how to breathe because it felt like just another thing I was doing wrong, because I couldn't take a deep breath, because I was freaking the fuck out. So I will tell you that there are times that it's not helpful that it's like, if I could breathe, I would breathe. I can't breathe, I'm freaking out. But I have found that when I take those nice intentional breaths throughout the day, I am far less likely to get to a point that it's beyond the point of taking a nice deep breath. So I'll leave us there. There's so much we can talk about breath all day, but I'm gonna leave us there because I want to move on. Um okay. Spiraling is another very amebable thing, pattern experience for a lot of people, certainly those with anxiety. And and when I say with anxiety, I'm typically talking about like, you know, a diagnosis, like a clinical version of anxiety, and and that doesn't, you know, that's I feel like there's so much wrong with our clinical system that whether or not you have a diagnosis, you know whether you're someone who's kind of prone to this stuff, and and you get to name your experience exactly how you see it. So I use language that just, you know, works for me, but know that you can adjust, adapt, take what works for you, leave the rest. Spiral. Oh my God. I this is this is a neurodivergent thing as well that I've recently learned is common within people that have like neurodivergent brains, which I do. I don't think it's only people with this type of brain, but it's it's more common and more pronounced here. And that is the kind of replaying of a scene that was upsetting or embarrassing or painful in a way that truly puts you back there. So I could, I could very easily, this is also why often those of us who have brains that work in this this way, and I don't speak for everyone, but I will just say that this is this is common, that we are actually really great at visualization, which is incredibly powerful for hypnosis, if you want to get into a hypnotic state, because we are able to conjure up such images. And I say images, but not it doesn't always look like a picture for everyone, but you're able to conjure something up in your mind that your body believes. If I close my eyes and remember a painful thing that happened in middle school, I can I can feel I can feel like I'm there. My body will react as if that upsetting thing is happening right now. And if you have ever replayed a conversation that you had with someone and you said the wrong thing, and you put your foot in your mouth, and it was so embarrassing. And the whole drive home, you're thinking about it, and you're literally your face is cringing, and you're just, oh my god. And like it just keep you just keep playing it over and over and over, and it's just like there's no relief for this because I can't go back and redo it. And this was so horrific. And you're you're just still you're you're still living it, right? I laugh be because I can't cry right now. It's it's just so horrifying. We can actually take that that superpower of movie watching in your brain, and we can use this for such good. So if you are a person that this happens to, please know hypnosis would be so awesome. Because we can do this in a way that gives you a really beautiful place to go in your mind. Anyways, that's not the point I was trying to make. But that spiral that happens where we're replaying, replaying, rethinking, re-like saying the same thing over and over in our head, like getting sweaty. Ugh, that that's often happening. And I say this because I learned this in from uh you know several hypnosis trainings, and I'm not gonna tag a um academic article or anything. Um, so if if I'm incorrect in the science, know that I speak from personal experience of this working for me and others. But that spiral, theoretically anyways, is happening in one hemisphere of your brain. And when something's happening in one hemisphere of the brain, a great way to interrupt that, which my God, how badly do you want to interrupt that, is to switch over to the other other hemisphere and then switch it on back, and then switch over to the other hemisphere and switch it on back. Because a train that's going in one direction really, really fast, like can't just switch direction. Like it's it's really you gotta it it jars the whole system to be like, wait, we're going over here now. That doesn't work that way, and eventually it's just gonna stop. That was a weird metaphor. I'm gonna stick with it. We're not gonna cut that out. Okay, so how we're gonna do that, switch from switch your hemispheres, jiggle up your brain a little bit, is simpler than you might think. So give yourself a moment to grab something like a pen or a water bottle, something you can hold in one hand. And what you're gonna do, well, maybe hit pause, grab that. Now you're back. Yay! Pass that water bottle or pen from hand to hand. And the idea is that I'm holding a pen, so I'm just gonna reference this pen. That pen is crossing over the midline of your body, and I am passing the pen from my left hand to my right hand, and then flying my right hand out to the right, almost like I was gonna like high-five somebody over to my right, and then bring it back crossing the midline, handing it to my left hand that flies out to the left as if I had a wing or high-fiving, whatever, and just going back and forth, and using both sides of my body, which engages both hemispheres of the brain, which makes it a lot harder for that spiral to continue to torture you. So if you are in a spiral, grab something that you can hold in your hand and pass it from one hand to the other, and then allow that train to stop. Let the passengers get off. Everybody gets to take a deep breath or two, maybe three. And then we feel better. And then you forgive yourself because we all say stupid shit. Okay. Cool. Alright, where are we at? Alright, I think we have time for one more. So we've got your deep breaths, really focusing on our exhales. We have that big breath-in hold, the magnet that makes everything fly into. It's like, gosh, it almost makes me think of um, I don't even know. Could maybe it's not even a magnet, maybe it's a spiral, like a tornado that things like fly into or whatever. Whatever it is, it's gathering up all the shit, and then your exhale where you let it go and you do it a few times because sometimes you gotta do a few different gathers. We've got our hemisphere transfer from one side to the other side to the other side.

unknown 19:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

So I think we have time for one more, and this is incredibly simple. And you know, a lot of these little pause makers, little tools, are annoyingly simple when you are having symptoms of anxiety that are showing up as like patterns, as behaviors, as maybe cravings. It's so fucking real. Like it's really, I don't I wanna just say this because I think it's easy to be like, well, just just pass a pen side to side, just take some deep breaths. And and like, especially if I said it in that tone, really minimizes the the horror that is happening inside of you. And I want to recognize that that sucks that it's happening. It sucks that you feel that way. It is real, it is that is it could it steals time from you, it steals peace from you, it steals relationships from you. So these are these are simple. You know, we can go a lot deeper if you know, if you we were to work together, and there's certainly lots of other modalities out there to work um on ways to to feel better in big and small ways. So, but but there's beauty in the simplicity of it, and that does not take away from the shittiness of what's happening. But you deserve to have simple solutions to a complex struggle. Because when you're having a complex struggle, a complex solution is not really gonna help you very much. It's not gonna help me very much in the moment. I need something simple, I need something easy, I need the next breath. Because I'm not gonna solve my childhood trauma when I wake up and my heart is racing and I feel like I'm panicking and I don't even really know why. If I try to do that, my mind will find lots of reasons why and it will make it worse. But if I remind myself that I actually do have tools for this, that I can take breaths, that I can pass a pen from side to side and interrupt the pattern that's happening in my mind, that's powerful. That's power. That might be simple, doesn't make it any less powerful. So this last tool, tip, is is equally as simple. One of those things that is like, seriously, duh. But in the moment, it's like having this toolkit, having having tools that you can just do like, oh yeah, that's right, this is what I do now. That's part of repatterning, that's part of reprogramming, that's part of feeling better, is knowing that, like, oh, this shitty feeling, instead of triggering me to freak out, to stop breathing at all, to rush to the liquor store. Like this shitty feeling actually allows me to pause and decide which tool I'm going to use. And the more you use them, and the more you use them when you only feel when you when you're not at your absolute worst, the more likely it is that when you do really, really need them, it's automatic. And also you have evidence. You know you feel better when you do this. You know you feel better when you take deep breaths. You know you feel better when you toss your pen from side to side and just kind of laugh about it at the simplicity of it. You know that. So when you are in that moment where you just feel like, oh fuck, here we go, you're able to hear that little voice of you that's like, wait, I have I have a tool. I have something. I don't have to succumb to that, succumb to this. And that's not a judgment. That's not a, you know, there's no strength or weakness to any of this. You're strong just for being here, for existing as a human. It's hard to be a human. It's worth it's worth collecting the simple tools. So the last one is movement. And I will tell you what movement is helpful for me. And I will also give you other ideas because everybody's everybody has different movements that feel good in their body. I know people who love burpees. I mean, let's all like that that's cray. But they love it, and that is great for them. I have not tried doing burpees when I've been feeling really anxious, and I probably won't because the thought of doing burpees makes me feel a little bit anxious. But what I do is one of two things. I do push-ups or I stand up and I just shake things out. And I say push-ups, not as a person who's great at push-ups. I can do a few. I usually put my knees down after a couple, and that's fine. But even just the even just getting down on the floor and like pushing something away from me for, I mean, I think very similar to that held breath that I like pull all the stuff into, it's like that that feeling of pushing something away is powerful. Maybe you don't even do it on the floor. Maybe you go up against like your kitchen counter or something and push yourself away and just imagine you are pushing away the shit that doesn't belong to you. And if push-ups sound absolutely ridiculous, like if push-ups are your burpees to me are push-ups to you, then I mean, don't worry, you don't have to do push-ups. You can also get up and just jump around. A really powerful thing to do is to shake your body. You know, dogs and other animals too, after they, you know, bark at a dog or after maybe you yell at them because they did something naughty. Not that my sweet baby griffin would ever do anything naughty. Okay, he's sleeping, I can tell you. He does naughty things all the time. After that happens, they shake, right? They shake their whole body. And that is such a powerful nervous system reset. They shake off that energy, the energy of the other dog that they were barking at, the energy of feeling bad that you just yelled at them, the energy of whatever. They shake it off and then they're able to move on. They don't carry it with them. We walk around with our freaking jaw clenched and shoulders all squeezed up towards our ears and holding our breath all day, not having a glass of water to save our lives. And we're just holding on to every single interaction that we have, and our nervous system just collects it and it just gets stacked on top of itself, on top of itself. And to shake is freaking powerful. And maybe you're in a cubicle, you know, in an office, and the best you can do is just shake your hands, you know. And if somebody be like, what the heck are you doing? Be like, oh, sorry, my hand fell asleep. I think I was just holding it in a weird position. Just shake your freaking hands. Or maybe you work from home and you actually stand up and shake your whole body, like you're that wacky, waveable, inflatable tube man that they have at used cars um lots. Shake it out. It's weird that it works, but it really helps. It just gets some of that energy off of you, off of you. We're carrying around stuff that doesn't even belong to us, you know. We're we're holding on to things that we absolutely, I mean, for better and for worse, I can't do shit about. And so in the moment, if it's taking over, get it off of you. Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it. Again, that might look like jumping up and down. That might mean going outside and going for a walk. Maybe it just means walking back and forth like in your office a few times, but move your body. It is wildly powerful. And while you're moving your body, maybe you focus on those exhales. Because if your body is moving and your breath is breathing, a message goes to your mind that's like, hey, check it out. We we wouldn't be doing this if it was if the you know building was on fire. Like we would we would be running. We're not running. See, see, everything's good. Send that message, let the brain receive it. And at the same time, your brain did the thing, right? You had the crappy feeling, and your brain was like, okay, we have a tool for this. I'm gonna grab these tools, and your body was like, got it, on it, and did it. And so, like, just by design, there's all these things happening under the surface where your body and mind are working together, where your actions are showing that you're okay. Your mind is remembering that you have tools. And I'm telling you, if you do these things when you're not at your worst, the likelihood of getting to that point becomes less and less and less because you're in control. That doesn't mean control is the goal. Sometimes it's fun to be out of control. But when anxiety is ruining your life, having a toolkit is a really great first step. And letting those tools be simple is such a kindness to yourself when you're in those struggly moments. So, anyways, that wasn't at all what I expected to um it's not the way I expected to structure this episode, and I'm so glad that it didn't work out the way I thought it was going to, because sometimes sometimes things come out of my mouth that I remember that I needed to. And my toolkit absolutely needed a little bit of a refresh. And I got it today with you. So thank you. No one I'd rather do that with. So, to end our little toolkit episode, and if you liked this, let me know because we'll do more of these. I feel like this is my life's work is gathering tools, gathering metaphors, gathering ways to make sense of the shit that doesn't feel like it makes sense in the moment. And it is the way I have been able to go from being a person who is so panicked all the time that life was so incredibly intolerable. I honestly would, I didn't care if I even woke up the next day. And and I dreaded waking up because it felt so terrible when I did. And now I don't feel that way anymore. I don't feel like, you know, jumping up and down for joy every second of every day, and how that would be boring. But I I feel I feel happy and I feel not scared of my brain. And that took a really long time to get to, and I don't want to take that long for you. And I want to just tell you that you're not alone, you're not wrong or broken. And honestly, if you're still listening, you're definitely my people. And if you are feeling a lot of these anxious, scared feelings right now, like you're just paying attention. You're just a human doing the very best that you can, but you do deserve to feel better. And you are a person that we need well in this world. You not only deserve to be well, but the world needs you because you're freaking awesome. And you the deep feeling part of you that is causing you all this discomfort right now is like the fucking best part. And let's let's have it work for you and not against you. All right, for the love of God, Elizabeth. I only call myself Elizabeth when I'm in trouble. Wrap it up, lady. All right, we're gonna take a few deep breaths and then we're going to say ado to you and you and you. So give yourself a moment, get comfortable, take a nice deep breath in through your nose, and out with a big sigh. Hell yeah. Another big breath in. Double the length of this exhale. Feel the shoulders melt as you breathe out. Nice. Next one we're gonna hold. Big breath in. Hold at the top. Feel the fullness, feel that big bubble of a magnet pulling in all the stuff you don't need. Like boom, boom, boom. Zip in just a little bit more air and let it go. You did it. We did it. You're amazing. Save this if it was helpful. Let me know if it was or wasn't, and if there is other types of tools or conversations that would be helpful for you. But thank you for being here and thank you for being you. And I'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to today's episode. Please be sure that you have hit that subscribe button and send this episode to somebody who you think would enjoy it. You can find me on Instagram at Starfish Hypnosis, same thing on threads. And of course, if you'd like to work with me, go to my website at LizMakean.com. A big thank you and hug to my dear friend Mo Houston at Joyce Scout Studios, who created the beautiful artwork that is the cover for this podcast. And another big thank you to my editor, producer, Sean Gritters. He's incredible. And if you'd like to work with him, his email will also be linked in the show notes. We will see you next week.